Zucchini Quickie

George Bush and Dick Cheney are at a fancy Washington restaurant. The waitress approaches their table to take their order. She is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies: "I'll have the heart-healthy salad."

"Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks, "And what would you like, Mr. President?"

Bush answers: "How about a quickie?"

Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says: "I'm shocked and disappointed in you. I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."

With that, the waitress departed in a huff. Cheney leans over to Bush, and says: "Mr President, I believe that's pronounced quiche."

I'm cooking today for the first time in ages - quiche, for the office potluck, using this recipe for zucchini, bacon, and Gruyère quiche (reproduced below with my modifications). I made several modifications, of course. Some in the interest of deliciousness and others in the interest of laziness. I won't taste this til tomorrow, but smells emanating from the oven are making my stomach rumble.

1 (9-inch) refrigerated pie dough round (from a 15-oz package)
1 ready made pie crust
1/4 lb sliced bacon, coarsely chopped
1/4 lb sliced turkey bacon, minced
1/2 orange bell pepper
1 shallot, minced
2 medium zucchini (3/4 lb total), halved lengthwise, then cut crosswise into 1/8-inch-thick slices
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup whole milk
3/4 cup half 'n half
1/4 skim milk
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
3 large eggs
1 large egg
1/2 cup egg beaters
2 oz Gruyère, coarsely grated (1 cup)
a couple of handfuls of Gruyère, as needed
a few sprinkles of crumbled garlic and herb feta

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Lightly prick crust (frozen or semi-thawed, it probably doesn't make a difference) all over. Bake for 5 minutes if semi-thawed, 9 minutes if frozen.

Reduce oven temperature to 350°F.

While crust bakes, pan sautée turkey bacon til it has reached desired level of crispness. I may have burnt mine a little. That is ok. I think.

At this point, the original recipe said to "transfer bacon with a slotted spoon to a paper-towel-lined plate, reserving fat in skillet." Sadly, there was no fat left in my skillet, possibly because I burnt the bacon. No biggie, I just drizzled some olive oil into the skillet and used that to cook the zucchini, shallots, and bell pepper for about 5 minutes ("until zucchini is tender and starting to brown").

The original recipe instructed me to "Heat cream, milk, pepper, and remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt in a 1- to 2-quart saucepan until mixture reaches a bare simmer, then remove from heat." Balderdash. Instead, I layered the zucchini vegetable mixture with the bacon, Gruyère, and a dash of garlic herb feta for subtle flavor on the pie crust. Then I mixed the egg beaters, egg, half 'n half, and skim milk in a bowl and poured it all over the pie layers. I added a sprinkling more of Gruyère to top it off, and stuck the quiche in the oven for roughly 35 minutes. Then, because I'm brilliant, I decided to stick the quiche under the broiler. 3 minutes on high, and now the crust is burnt and the top is browner than the African savanna in July. I'm sure it's still delicious, but only tomorrow will tell...